[DOGS] {UK} Clan
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Bolty on May 02, 2018, 11:00:44 AM
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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
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"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.
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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
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"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.
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Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Opportunity!
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!
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A blonde girl comes to the emergency room with burns on both ears and says, “Doctor, I was totally lost in thoughts and my phone rang and I picked up a hot iron instead.”
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The doctor wonders, “And what happened to the other ear?”
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The blonde girl replies, “Well I had to call my boyfriend to take me to the hospital!”
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A blonde comes to her office in a terrible state, crying…
The boss is concerned and asks what happened.
“My dad just died!” sobs the blonde.
“That is terrible, Sandy, you know, you should go home and take the time for yourself.”
The blonde agrees and goes home.
The next day she’s kind of fine – until mid-day when she’s all in tears again.
“What’s wrong?” asks the boss.
“This is unbelievable,” wails the blonde, “I’ve just spoken to my brother – and his dad just died too!”